Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
