Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
