friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
