I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
