Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
