my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
