never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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