Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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