Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you would pick up someone in the library
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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