Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
