I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
