wanna go halves on a baby?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
