I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I will die if light touches me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
