i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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