I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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