I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
