You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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