if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
