he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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