So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
