You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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