just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
