i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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