Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
