On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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