Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
