Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
