she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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