Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
