Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
