you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
