All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
