he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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