I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
