I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
