Define "chronic" masturbator.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
