Yo dont text me then not text me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
