Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
