just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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