A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
