look no pants
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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