Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
