I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
