When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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