Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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