his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
