What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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