hell yes lets make some ravioli
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
