The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
