As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
