beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
