Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
